the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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