I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
