i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
