thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
