Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
