Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
