he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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