I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
