Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
