We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
