Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
