Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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