giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
