I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
