how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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