dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
