I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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