i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
