she kept yelling 'call me bella'
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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