Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the day after is always just damage control
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
