butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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