My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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