A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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