So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
