youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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