i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
