I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
