So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
