thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
