I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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