whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
