I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
