Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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