Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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