now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
