i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize