We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
