Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
