The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
