Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
