hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize