I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
