my room smells like sperm. sweet.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
