Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
