i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
