were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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