if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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