I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
That accounts for only three of the penises
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
