mondays should just be called national damage control day
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
