I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
