I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
