You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
