and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
