Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
