I murdered the dance floor call the cops
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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