you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
