Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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