It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
