So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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