Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
