My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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