Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
