well you can't waste a boner
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
