You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
